Fear

Today's meeting's topic was fear.

Before I came to al anon, I thought my only fear was of heights. Since coming to al anon, I'm learning that I have a lot of fears.

I fear failure...
As the eldest in the family... A lot of pressure was put onto me to be perfect, and a good example to my younger siblings... Throughout mu 27 years, I've always trying to be perfect and being the best in everything I did. It was all or nothing. If I couldn't be the best in it, I didn't want to do it.

I fear people not liking me...
I always thought I didn't care whether people liked me or not, I didn't care what they thought of me. I realise I convinced myself of this so that whatever they said or thought about me couldn't hurt me, because I didn't care right? I realise now, I was seeking approval from everyone. If I've did something and no one knew, it didn't count.

I fear the change...
In my husband's active addiction, I knew how things would be, no matter how bad it was. When he got clean it and got a life, things were seemingly out of control, out of my control. This scared me, and I was imprisoned by the fear of change, and I felt completely out of control.

I could keep going and going about my fears, but I'm not there yet :) so one day at a time!

I am grateful, so so grateful for the wonderful fellowship of al anon. Al anon has given me the chance to face my fears.

Fear - face everything and recover
Fear - false expectations appearing real